I exist!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, others, I am here to tell you that EA has once again outdone themselves. They have managed to screw up one of the most beloved games of all time, the one heralded by many to be one of the greatest real-time strategy games ever, Dungeon Keeper.
Dungeon Keeper is was a brilliant real time strategy game in which you build and maintain a dungeon while trying to keep heroes from breaking in an stealing your gold. It was wonderful. And then, EA decided to make an iOS (i.e. iPhon or iPad) version of it.
Now, there is nothing inherently wrong about iOS games, (although there might as well be) but they did do something very terrible that is really only present on iOS games and Facebook games, and really terrible. They made everything take forever to do.
Before, there were two kinds of blocks, those that take seconds to mine, and those that can’t be mined. In the iOS version, the blocks take anywhere from three seconds to twenty-four hours to mine, just to free up one tile of space. That really ruins it, because the thing about making a dungeon is that you make several different rooms, each serving a different purpose. The rooms can be any size, but the smallest you can get with the room still having practical purpose is about a three by three area of tiles. It can take days to make anything even vaguely useful!
But not to worry! You can speed it up! How, you ask? By paying money! Yay— wait, that’s terrible. Basically, the currency they use to speed things up is called gems. They go at a rate of one hundred to one hundred forty gems per dollar, depending on how much you’re willing to buy at once. One of those delightful blocks I mentioned that take a day to mine will set you back two hundred forty-nine gems. That’s two and a half dollars to mine a single block!
That’s pretty much all I have to say about this blatant cash-grab. Now go torrent the original two or something.